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Man Utd Announce Goalkeeper Wonderkid Desantos

Juan Desantos is officially a Man Utd player as Jose Mourinho unveils the Premier League’s youngest ever first team player to a rapturous fan-frenzy. 

Breaking news coming out of Manchester this morning as Jose Mourinho called a press conference to introduce goalkeeper wonderkid Juan Desantos as a United player. In one of the biggest transfers of the summer the incredible Spanish keeper has left Real Madrid to join United on a long term deal.

Desantos comes to Manchester after one of the most incredible debut seasons in football history where the toddler kept a La Liga record of 38 clean sheets in 38 games for Real Madrid’s Under 6s which sealed the title for Los Ninos Blancos. Known for his astonishing sweeper keeper style and ability to dive more than 3 times his height, the young Spaniard is already playing for Spain’s under 18s at the age of 5 – a feat that few ever expected to become a reality. Coaches and fans have compared Desantos to AC Milan stopper Gianluigi Donnarumma, but even the world’s most promising shot-stopper’s record is dwarfed by the incredible stats of the 5 year old. Despite being just 3ft 8 the young star has ripped up the book and changed the way that scouts look at youth development forever.


Fans cooked up a social media frenzy last night as Desantos was spotted arriving at Old Trafford’s player’s entrance in his iconic £2 Million custom build Little Tikes car with diamond encrusted wheels, a state of the art Bose install system and chinchilla seats. Word soon got out and by the time Desantos had completed his medical there was a crowd of hundreds gathered outside clamouring to get a glimpse of their new wonderkid. After 4 hours of shadows bustling behind the closed blinds, Mourinho emerged out into a barrage of flash photography from the world’s press with his arm proudly wrapped around the shoulder of his new asset who was wearing a United onesie to the delight and adoration of the fans.

Desantos’ agent spoke briefly saying “Juan is delighted to be here in Manchester. We’ve had progressive talks with Jose Mourinho and the club’s owners and feel that this is an historic move that marks a new era in Premier League football. We look forward to getting right into pre-season training and Juan is excited to start working with the rest of the first team.”

Desantos and his team were spotted celebrating the deal at Mcdonalds where the new United signing tucked into a chicken nugget Happy Meal and juice box before the serious work begins next week.


Desantos has signed a 5 year deal for Utd and is expected to walk right into the first team squad as a backup option for his countryman David De Gea. The deal includes a £150k per week salary with add-ons including a lifetime supply of Haribo and a solid gold fidget spinner indicating that Mourinho very much sees the young stopper as a player for now rather than the future. Own Goal’s statistician has worked out that the deal is the first ever Premier League contract that’s length is the same as the age of the player signing it.

Desantos will smash the Premier League record for the youngest player currently held by Fulham’s Matthew Briggs who played for the club at the age of 16 years and 68 days. Should Desantos get a walk out this season he would smash that figure by a stunning 11 years. It’s going to be a big year for the young keeper with the lad due to start primary school in September. Own Goal sources understand that Juan will only be in school 2 days per week and will be tutored around his training schedule by the club’s in-house teacher Phil Jones.

Desantos joins the likes of new signings Lukaku an Lindelof as United prepare for a new season and Champions League football.

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